Platonic or romantic?
by: Nya Hardaway
Dear Nya,
I’ve been friends with this girl since freshman year and used to have a crush on her during our freshmen and sophomore year. Life happened, we stopped talking to each other and got into our own relationships during our junior year. she reached out to me a couple of months ago and we picked things back up and have been friends ever since!
Here’s the tricky part. I’ve started to have feelings for her again and our harmless flirting definitely hasn’t made the situation any better. to sum it up, we went to go see tv girl live together and held hands, and ever since then I feel like the vibe has changed between us. things are different now and there’s not as much flirting between us but we still maintain that flirty essence of our friendship? if that makes sense lol. she asked me out to homecoming (With a minion poster bc she knows how much I love them. How cute.) last week and I said yes, but I’m unsure if it’s platonic or if she has feelings for me. The challenges of being queer, I swear. also, I love what ur doing!! such a cute idea :)
- Lover
Dear Lover,
I feel like the air should be cleared about why she asked you to homecoming. Be mindful: It is perfectly okay to ask why she asked you. You aren't asking her to tell you she has feelings for you. You are asking because you deserve to know why; because you two didn’t agree to go as friends beforehand. I realize you said yes already but this is just to get some clarification, not to retract your answer.
As far as your crush on her goes, I think as long as you feel comfortable doing so you should express your feelings after she explains her intentions of asking you to homecoming. You deserve clarification and honesty, and so does she. If the reason she asked you to homecoming was simply that she wanted to go as friends, then it is up to you if you’re okay with that. If you would prefer to go together as more than friends, that needs to be expressed.
I am keeping in mind though, that this is at risk of losing your friendship. You have to prepare yourself for the outcome of your feelings being reciprocated just as much as you should prepare for your friendship to change. Confessing your feelings is never an easy task, but I am a firm believer that once you express how you feel you’ll feel a lot better. The whole conversation doesn’t need to happen in one day. You two can take time and think about what that future could look like for your friendship or a more romantic version of that.
Good luck, Lover.
(Thank you so much. That is super sweet of you.)
Love Always, Nya