Letter to Old Friend: The conditional love of a father...

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By Heinrich

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Dear friend,

I used to believe in the fantasy of unconditional love from a parent. I believed that whatever it is my parents are doing, they must be doing it for a reason and that reason is that they love me.

I wholeheartedly believe that when it comes to my mom.

But recently, in a conversation with my dad, I called him out on his shortcomings as a father. We were stuck in a car and I knew that he could not avoid this conversation for at least another 15 minutes, according to Google maps.

He said to me that he knows what I mean when I describe my perfect father. He also said that he never would’ve been able to do that. He said that it wasn’t in him to try.

He blamed the culture he grew up in. He blamed his own childhood spent without a father. He blamed me for not telling him what I wanted from him. He blamed me for not telling him what kind of father I wanted.

I would argue that a child should never beg a parent to love them. A child should never beg a parent to be good. Weirdly enough, that was above my paygrade.

So now I’m left here, writing this letter, wondering why he was never going to love me enough to even try to change. Or to even acknowledge that something, just one thing, needed to change. To give me a father I deserve.

I will admit that this made me cry. I will admit that somewhere inside of me, there’s a little girl still wondering why her father refused to go to any father-daughter dances with her. She’s wondering why it’s been years since she’s heard the words “I love you,” from her father.

Don’t drive your daughters into indifference. Because one day, she will choose someone else to walk her down that aisle. One day, she will have her father-daughter dance with someone else. Someone who has never let her fall. Someone who refused to stop trying.

Still, I live with the conditional love of a father and the unconditional love of a daughter.

Sincelerly,

Your Friend