Letter to Old Friend: Don't pray for me.
By Heinrich
Dear friend,
I’ve had a complicated relationship with religion. Faith hasn't failed me in the way it does a lot of people. We just had a falling out.
When I was 15, I decided that I didn’t believe in the god I grew up with anymore. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment it happened or why.
It just happened.
Religion had felt off for a really long time. It took years to see that I didn’t actually believe in anything anymore.
After 15, I had to learn how to go through life without that safety net, that comfort I found in believing in something. A life without religion, at least for me, was terrifying. Unknown.
A big thing that captivates humans about religion is the fact that it means not going through life by themselves. Along with the comfort of a god to guide you, most religions bring people together. They bring whole countries together, whole societies. Religions have sacred places for people to congregate. At their best, religions build community.
At 15, gaining a sort of sentience, I saw a world that was being destroyed in the name of gods. This, I’m sad to say, has programmed me to never trust religions again.
Being born in 2002 in a country without separation between church and state, moving to America at six, and growing up in constant wars, violence, and political unrest, it’s hard to see the good in humanity.
I think it’s a struggle that most people in my generation have. One simply has to look at a history book about the past 20 years to see that we haven’t known a world with peace. We don’t even know what that word means. Most of us are just tired from living through major historical events.
It can make one incredibly lonely. Even with the comfort of a guiding god.
Some might argue that this is the exact reason to turn to a god. Any god. But I can’t bring myself to have that kind of faith again. I don’t think I’m capable of finding comfort in religion anymore.
But I have also grown up a bit since 15.I’m not as angry at the world.
There’s a beauty in religion that I can respect. Believing in anything is beautiful in itself. I found that not believing in anything is, as I’ve said, quite lonely.
Religion has also brought beauty into our lives. Most of art, any kind of art, all throughout history, has been made in the name of a religion. I cannot deny that. That’s fact.
I can also see the irony of choosing to live under my own free will. But I will never get past the point that religion was, and continues to be, used as a weapon. I think it’s been too long since religion has actually been used and seen as what it truly is; a moral guidepost for us to live by and to love by.
But still. Don’t pray for me. I don’t believe in gods.
Sincelerly,
Your friend