It is okay, I can cry now
By Nikolas Araiza
As a boy growing up in a traditional household, I was not allowed to cry. I was often told “I’ll give you something to cry about,” by my father. But as I have aged, and broken free from my father's judgment, I have accepted that it is okay to express my emotions even if it means others judge me.
I am not the only man who hides their emotions. Whether it be feelings of sadness or insecurity, men around the world go through this in fear of being judged by their peers for being weak or less of a man. Men have social expectations of not showing their emotions, but instead to be stoic.
Crying in front of my dad has always come at the cost of belittlement and mockery. Because of him, I have at times felt weak and truly alone with no one to talk to. This caused me to hide my emotions and refuse to express them when others are around.
There was a girl that was everything to me and was truly the first person I had ever liked. She was the first person who made me feel seen, but near the end of our time together, she would mock me for showing emotion. Conversations would typically end with her laughing at me and calling me a “crybaby.”
Since then I have been able to realize the damage it had done to me, not only mentally but emotionally. For a while, I did not know what to do. I felt lost and I did not know where to go. Over time though I realized, the demons from my past would only hold me down.
I can see other men around me hiding their pain, I can see when my grandpa wants to cry but since he is supposed to be “manly” he rarely ever shows his emotions.
I, like many others, have never seen their father cry. A father is supposed to be strong, the leader of the house, not someone who cries and shows weakness.
This all stems from toxic masculinity that has been perpetuated by the idea that to be a man, one must be able to live life as a stoic. The term toxic masculinity was coined in the 20th century by a mythopoetic men’s movement.
Toxic masculinity has been shown to have a negative impact on a man’s social life according to a study by Michigan State University. When I was the most depressed in my life, it was when I had no one to talk to. I was too afraid or embarrassed to tell someone how I felt because I did not want them to think of me as less of a man. I did not want to be perceived as “weak”.
I was able to unlearn a lot of these toxic traits with the positive influence of my coworkers. Thanks to them, I have allowed myself to express emotions without the fear of being judged.
Since I stopped hiding my emotions around others, my mental health has improved tremendously. I no longer have fear of not fitting into a mold I do not naturally fit into.
Focusing on mental health has been a big priority for me since mental health is a very delicate situation, especially for men. One study found that men make up nearly 75% of all suicides in North America. Taking care of one's mental health should be important and not ignored.
After many years of struggling with holding in my emotions and not allowing myself to express certain emotions, I have finally grown beyond that. I no longer fear the judgment of others and with that, I have learned that it is okay, I can cry now.