The Truth Behind OCD
By: Kaitlyn McMullin
What is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a chronic disorder that causes one to have no control over reoccurring thoughts and/or behaviors where they feel an urge to repeat. OCD is an anxiety disorder that interferes with a person’s daily life. This mental disorder affects everyone who has it in multiple ways. The obsessive portion of OCD include having persistent and intrusive thoughts, impulses or images that cause an increase of stress and anxiety. Compulsions are part of the disorder where the individual attempts to subside the thoughts or impulses through repetitive behavior, such as counting, repeating words, repetitive actions and the list goes on.
OCD is no walk in the park, as most people think it is.
According to Psychology Today, "it is a serious mental illness marked by high levels of anxiety and emotional distress."
Many believe that this disorder is just about cleaning, and being a germaphobe, but it goes much deeper than that, “OCD- and mental illness in general- is still highly stigmatized and misunderstood.”
OCD is not a choice. If it were a choice, I would stop this torture I am forced to endure. I have battled my disorder every second of everyday the last ten years of my life. No matter how tired I am at the end of the day, I would love nothing more than if I were able to just go to sleep, but I can't. I have to make sure the door is locked 100 times over, make sure I say all the things I need to say at the right time, make sure everything in my routine is completed correctly. I would love to choose to just go about my day without being controlled. I do try to fight as much as I can to not do some things; when your brain constantly tells you to do something repetitively, or something will happen, it isn't easy to relax and have a moment to yourself. So no, OCD and any disorder is not a choice. People with schizophrenia do not want to see or hear nonexistent things. Depressed people don't want to feel miserable; those with ADHD don't want to struggle to focus. People with OCD do not want to have constant unwanted obsessive thoughts, or to feel compelled to do so many unwanted things. It is not a choice.
OCD journey
I was diagnosed at the age of 14 by my therapist at the time. She said "you have textbook OCD," but I had shown signs and struggled with the disorder years before. I was 11 when I started seeing images of germs creeping up my walls or coming onto my dresser off my mother’s phone feeling as though, if I didn’t sanitize it, something bad would happen. Throughout my life, I have heard many people say they have OCD as an excuse for certain personal behaviors. There was a time where I heard a girl being picky about what she was eating. After someone commented about it, she claimed it was her OCD. Meanwhile, I was sitting across from her, scared that I would touch the wrong thing in an unknown place and feared something would happen if I did. Moments like that have irritated me because I know the true horror that lies behind them.
OCD has been a difficult disorder to live with. However, I can only speak from my personal experience since everyone obsesses over different things and having different rituals than myself. OCD gives us many unwanted and intrusive thoughts such as, “if you don’t turn the light switch off in a certain way, someone you love will get hurt,” or some sort of variation of that with different things. Where as I have many, e.g., I cannot go to bed unless I have locked my door with no bad thoughts in my head. If I do not, I have to continue unlocking and locking until I have locked it on a calm thought as well as other compulsions. The worst part is we know if we don’t straighten the napkin just right on the counter, it will have no effect on someone we care about getting hurt, but something inside us still makes us feel compelled to do it in fear of the off chance it may happen. There are rituals we have created to try and help coax the thought from our head so that maybe we can have just a moment to relax. When I first began to develop OCD I would count by 10's to 100, but as I got older it changed to where I say "always, love, protect" on repeat, “always and forever" among other things. More recently I have began singing the theme song from a television show called “Psych". The faster I sing or repeat the words the harder I am trying to fight the battle inside my mind, which can be exhausting.
What you can do to make it easier
People with OCD and other mental disorders are often told to “relax,” “calm down,” “it’s all in your head” or a variety of things that often make the disorder worse, rather than better. Refrain from making crude comments and try your best to work around someone with a mental illness. If you want to go the extra mile in helping them make their life easier, you can ask the person in your life what they need or what you can do to help.
Before you say you have OCD, or any mental illness, please be informed of what the disorder truly is and talk to a professional for a diagnosis.